> in 2021, the first phenomenal TV series has appeared-Xiao Shede.
> This TV series about "Junior High School" has an empathetic story every day. Today, what moves everyone is that Xueba Yan Ziyou reveals his heart in public:
> "I think my mother loves me, not me, but me who got full marks."
> "You always say that you are doing it for me, but it’s actually for your own face, regardless of whether I am happy or not."
> "If I have a child in the future, I will never force him to go to any remedial class. He can do whatever he wants."
> "Why is it so difficult to do what you like?"
> this is the first time that ziyou talks about his feelings publicly, and it is also the first time that ziyou, who has always been clever and sensible, has an emotional outburst. Everyone froze, only then did they know that Zi You had suffered so much at an early age.
> the outbreak of ziyou made everyone in the play and the audience outside the play begin to reflect: is the education method of ziyou’s mother Tian Yulan really right? Is it really only positive for children?
When it comes to Tian Yulan, it is estimated that everyone is familiar with it, and it is one of the roles of film and television dramas that have been hotly discussed recently.
> the label on her body is obvious-a mother who forced her children to study by hook or by crook in order to get into a key middle school (Hanlin Middle School).
> Tian Yulan’s character is full, and he stands in minutes.
> There are countless parents’ communication groups in her mobile phone, and she communicates her children’s grades with other parents all the time and shares the "secret recipe" of taking an examination of Hanlin …
She put a shelf in the most obvious position in her home, which was full of children’s certificates and trophies.
Every time I see this shelf, Tian Yulan’s eyes will light up. She thinks it is the highest light moment as a mother and the greatest embodiment of her value.
Most of her energy is spent on her children, and she is a typical mother who wants her children to succeed. Even naming her children has profound meaning. "Zi You" is homophonic for "Zi You", which means that she wants her children to be excellent.
However, with the gradual deepening of the plot, many people have also discovered that Tian Yulan is a love for Youyou, which is almost suffocating, and it makes Ziyou breathless.
> Tian Yulan attaches great importance to grades, and she knows at what stage the child should take the exam, get the first few exams before being eligible to enter Hanlin Middle School, and what grades are the safest.
> Tian Yulan asked Zi You to get into the top two of the class and the top five of the grade. While making such harsh demands, she said, "Mom doesn’t ask much of you." Zi You on the side had to eat with his head stuffy, but he was afraid to go out.
> Tian Yulan is a very nervous person. She is afraid that her children will not study hard, so after clarifying the requirements, she will warn her children once a day: Don’t take it lightly. What should I do if I don’t get into Hanlin?
> in order to keep an eye on ziyou’s dynamics, she moved ziyou’s homework place to the living room every day.
> this is similar to the learning environment of Eiko in Little Joy. Children have no privacy, and parents have a strong desire for control. They need to know what their children are doing all the time.
> to what extent is Tian yulan strict with you? Don’t miss any moment to test your child’s learning.
Zi you eats a watermelon, and she has to make a temporary spot check.
> Tian Yulan is not only strict with Zi You, but also strict with herself. She will study with Zi You and carefully annotate Zi You’s exercise book.
> In fact, this is a less obvious foreshadowing in the play, which makes a reasonable explanation for Tian Yulan’s constant efforts to force his children to study.
Because Tian Yulan has made more efforts than other parents, she will feel that it is right and reasonable for her children to study hard. She didn’t realize her mistake, but thought it was very difficult for her to be a mother.
Sure enough, Tian Yulan said the classic line from her parents’ mouth: What do you want me to do if I am a mother?
However, Tian Yulan’s problems are not limited to this one. Besides attaching importance to learning, he also likes to compare children and show off their achievements. It is the kind of mother who will let her children report their academic achievements in public, talk about their future ideals and show off all kinds of talents.
The most classic scene in Xiao Shede is Tian Yulan asking Zi You to recite Pi in public, which she thinks can show her children’s learning ability and academic performance.
> before ziyou began to recite pi, she emphatically added, "we ziyou have already broken through the 2000 mark."
> the barrage is saying, as for doing this? Maybe we don’t think so, but as far as Tian Yulan is concerned, as long as it can highlight his children’s good study, it will be.
In fact, Tian Yulan’s biggest problem in education is that she imposes her own ideas on Zi You, and she "takes it for granted" to make a choice for Zi You, never asking her children’s ideas.
> she values academic performance and thinks that nothing is important except study, so she naturally cuts off Ziyou’s "hobbies", which is the last straw to crush the camel.
Zi you likes studying biology, and his ideal is to be a biologist, which is not easy for a child who has just entered the fifth grade, because many people don’t know what their real ideal is all their lives.
However, the ants and snails studied by Ziyou are all "dirty things" in Tian Yulan’s view, which prevents Ziyou from being admitted to Hanlin Middle School.
> Tian Yulan despises Zi You’s hobby, even though Zi You is not allowed to play football on weekdays. She thinks playing football is a waste of time.
Whenever Ziyou wants to go downstairs to play football, Tian Yulan will stop him. The reason is that after playing the ball, his heart will be scattered and he can’t settle down and study.
> In the two episodes updated yesterday, Tian Yulan enrolled Ziyou in an Olympic Mathematics training class, which occupied Ziyou’s playing time.
> ziyou was dissatisfied. Tian Yulan was angry, not only did he not let ziyou play football, but he also asked ziyou to get rid of his research on biology.
It can be said that Zi You, who has just entered the fifth grade, has no fun in life, except studying.
Paradoxically, Tian Yulan decided to let Zi You run for the class committee after learning that running for class cadres would help his children go to Hanlin Middle School. In his campaign speech, he deliberately asked Zi You to add the phrase "wide interests".
> Zi You said sadly, "I didn’t have a wide range of interests before …"
> Tian Yulan said sharply, "You can recite it if you are asked to, which is so much nonsense!"
> It can be seen that in Tian Yulan’s value system, children can’t have hobbies, but they all have to serve the item of "taking an examination of key middle schools".
Tian Yulan can do everything for her children’s study, so sometimes she is not rational, which also silently affects the formation of Zi You’s character.
For example, when she learned that Mr. Zhong was running a remedial class in furniture, she reported it decisively, which eventually led to Mr. Zhong being expelled from school.
Later, she hoped that Ziyou would attend the gold medal class in the counseling institution. It happened that the teacher in the gold medal class was Ms. Zhong, who was ousted by her. Finally, Tian Yulan threw down her face and apologized to Ms. Zhong in public, just to let Ziyou enter the gold medal class smoothly.
> all this quilt leisurely see in the eye, zi you looked at Tian Yulan humble apology on the stage, a person silently shed tears.
We can think about how much pressure Tian Yulan put on Zi You.
> Zi You has just entered the fifth grade, and his life values have not been fully established. When he saw his mother doing this, he invisibly carried a "good student burden", thinking that he would be sorry for his parents if he didn’t study hard, and then the pressure was increasing.
> and Tian Yulan said to Xiaoyou more than once, "Mom did it for you, and studying well is the biggest reward for her".
These words have imperceptibly accelerated Zi You’s precocious personality and increased the pressure Zi You bears.
You can see intuitively that Ziyou, who grew up in this environment, is slowly changing. He began to become taciturn, did not like to talk or laugh, and lost a lot of youthful vitality.
> at the beginning, ziyou was not like this.
> ziyou was originally a lovely young man. When her aunt’s daughter was depressed, she would comfort Huanhuan with the story of a little ant. She was simply a lovely little angel.
However, in recent episodes, Ziyou has become more and more bored, and he likes to pick his fingers more and more, and even his thumb has been peeled off by him.
It is noteworthy that finger-picking and finger-biting are all called concrete manifestations of mental stress in psychology.
> ziyou has come to this step, which does have the negative impact of Tian Yulan’s extreme education method.
> There is a talented girl named Mi Tao in Ziyou’s class. Tian Yulan always likes to compare Ziyou and Mi Tao. Sometimes Ziyou is just one behind, and Tian Yulan will say, "You are a long way from Mi Tao. Are you still shy to meet people?"
For a child, this kind of words will quickly hit the child’s self-confidence, leading to more and more inferiority and less confidence in himself.
> ziyou was humiliated by teacher zhong’s language in the gold medal class, and was scolded for not having a long brain and his head was full of wood, which aggravated ziyou’s unconfident and unhappy state.
After Ziyou was humiliated by Mr. Zhong’s language, he wished that he could be protected by his parents and that his parents could stand with him.
But Tian Yulan didn’t speak for Zi You. She felt that it was nothing for children to get some training in their studies.
> at that moment, ziyou’s eyes were lost, sad and puzzled.
As a young man, he couldn’t understand why he was scolded by his teacher for no reason, but his mother didn’t speak to him.
Later, Ziyou seriously put forward that he didn’t want to attend Mr. Zhong’s class. As a result, this proposal was rejected by Tian Yulan again.
> ziyou’s call for help didn’t get a response.
> The biggest reason that Tian Yulan doesn’t want Zi You to leave the gold medal class is that the gold medal class can help Zi You improve his grades, and the second exam is A+. Tian Yulan thinks that only the grades are real, and the others are empty.
In his view, his mother would rather let him be scolded than let him leave the gold medal class. His mother only has grades in her eyes, and she will only smile when she treats him with good grades. As long as he fails in the exam once, he will be greeted with negation, reprimand and more papers.
> that’s why ziyou said that "my mother doesn’t love me, but I got full marks".
> Tian Yulan couldn’t figure out why she did this, but she was still not well studied by her son. Before Ziyou’s emotional outburst, she thought her education method was right.
However, as we can see, Tian Yulan’s education method actually has a big problem.
> first of all, she didn’t talk to Ziyou as an independent person. Tian Yulan always has an identity repression on Ziyou. Simply put, I am your mother, and you have to listen to me.
Secondly, Tian Yulan pays too much attention to Zi You’s achievements, thus ignoring Zi You’s development in other aspects and mental health problems. Typical look too far, without taking into account the development of children at this stage.
She doesn’t realize how important hobbies and mental health are to a child. She is too "achievement-oriented", which leads to the child’s rebellious mentality gradually.
Thirdly, Tian Yulan’s undisciplined educational methods also increase the pressure on children.
> To be fair, Tian Yulan’s starting point is good, and she hopes that her children will be knowledgeable and not rely on others to earn their future. However, in many cases, the methods she uses are wrong, such as inadvertently comparing her children’s learning and blindly suppressing their self-confidence … all of which make her backfire.
The appearance of Tian Yulan really gave many people a reflection. Parents are too nervous and pay too much attention to their grades, thus neglecting their children’s growth. Obviously, there is a big problem with this educational method.
Parents should not be "achievement-oriented" and should not make choices for their children for granted. If they blindly educate their children according to their own ideas, their children will be on the verge of collapse, and Ziyou is the best example.
Another homonym of "Ziyou" is "freedom". Many parents want to make their children excellent, but they don’t find that they are deprived of their childhood freedom.
> and in Xiao Shede, the education method of another family is not completely correct.
> Unlike Tian Yulan, Nan Li and Xia Junshan always wanted their children to grow up healthily and happily, so they named their daughter Xia Huanhuan. A happy "Huan" is not enough. It takes two "Huan" to show the couple’s hope for their children.
Huanhuan is a little princess at home, her father is a "daughter slave" and her brother is a "sister slave". Her mother has no strict requirements for her study, so the whole family holds Huanhuan in their hands.
Such children are really happy, but after a long time, there will be some problems.
> first of all, such a family atmosphere makes Huanhuan enjoy the feeling of holding the moon with many stars. She can’t accept that others ignore her existence, so when Huanhuan’s grades drop, she will cry and ask Nanli if she becomes a poor student and no one likes her.
Secondly, Nanli only values Huanhuan’s happiness and unhappiness, and cares too much about Huanhuan’s feelings, which will make Huanhuan develop a character that can’t accept blows and can’t accept external denial.
Therefore, we often shed tears when we see Huanhuan, and a little thing can be the cause of her emotional breakdown.
> poor test results, crying;
> cried when outsiders said that their grades were not good;
> didn’t run for the class Committee, crying;
> The more times Huanhuan shed tears, the more it means that parents need to pay attention to Huanhuan’s mental health and gradually establish a stronger psychological defense line for her, but no, the Nanli family still follows Huanhuan in everything.
> For example, Nan Li resolutely refused to let Huanhuan attend remedial classes at first, hoping that her children would have a happy childhood;
> however, after seeing that all the students around her went to the remedial class, Huanhuan volunteered to take the remedial class. In the face of the children’s requirements, the couple did not know in detail whether the remedial class was suitable for their children, but blindly reported a competition class to their children.
> two people agree that the children are asking for help when they say that they are bullied by their classmates because of their poor grades. Facing the children’s help, they can’t from ruin.
So Nan Li went to great pains to enroll Huanhuan in this competition class. She just wanted her children to be happy now.
But we also saw that Huanhuan didn’t become happy after attending the competition class, but became more and more unhappy. She couldn’t understand what the teacher said, and she couldn’t help wondering if she was too stupid.
Nan Li only wanted to send her children to the competition class to make them happy, but did not consider whether the children could keep up with the progress of the competition class. If the children didn’t take the initiative to say that they didn’t understand, Nan Li didn’t know that the children were suffering so much in the competition class.
> at this time, they began to reflect on themselves. They didn’t know much about the competition class and the teachers in the competition class, and they didn’t know what the teachers were talking about every day, thinking that sending the children in would be enough.
> This almost plunged Huanhuan into a vicious circle. She lacked the ability to resist setbacks, and her parents sent her to the competition class according to her wishes. She didn’t understand and felt more frustrated. Being humiliated by the teacher in public made my brain dull and my frustration even worse, so my body and mind were very tired.
Huanhuan has also undergone some changes. The little girl who used to be confident and lively is now uninterested in anything. No matter how Nan Li makes her happy, she only has three words: boring.
> ziyou, huanhuan, both children have changed their personalities in family education, which shows that the word "education" is easier said than done.
> Tian Yulan only pays attention to children’s grades, thus ignoring children’s mental health problems;
Nan Li only pays attention to the children’s present happiness, thus ignoring the children’s ability to resist blows.
> The starting point of the two people is good. One wants to make the child a great success in the future, and the other wants to make the child worry-free all his life. But they both forget that the child can’t be preset by parents, and parents need to grow up with the child.
> The appearance of these two characters is actually to make us reflect on ourselves. Some netizens even said that Rulu cured my mother’s anxiety.
Both Tian Yulan and Nan Li are imposing their wishes on their children.
> Tian Yulan has no sense of security since he was a child, so he hopes that Zi You can learn with real talent and no one can take it away.
Nan Li is unhappy because her parents divorced when she was a child, so she hopes Huanhuan can spend every day happily without being disturbed by troubles.
They all ignored the word "big environment" and did not adjust their education methods according to the changes at this stage, thus falling into a dilemma.
The relationship between parents and children is not the relationship between who suppresses who, but the relationship between comrades-in-arms. Everyone should fight side by side and blame and upgrade.
There are no perfect children, perfect parents and perfect education in the world. What parents can do is to join hands with their children and walk through this difficult and dangerous road, but they will eventually see the dawn.
On this road, parents should always adjust their education methods according to the changes of the environment, and really teach students in accordance with their aptitude. This is very difficult, because there is no fixed process for every parent to refer to, but after deep thinking, this may be the true meaning of "nurturing".
> The families that Xiao Shede focuses on are actually the real educational methods that we have laid out at present, and they are the true epitome of thousands of families. Our emotion is true and our reflection is true.
What we should seriously think through Xiao Shede is that parents and children are two independent individuals, and on this basis, it is possible to succeed together.
For parents and children, this is a life course that requires lifelong credits.
Fortunately, Xiao Shede reveals this aspect for us. It is cruel, but the feelings are more real.
