In contemporary society, people don’t live alone, but they often mention "loneliness". In the "era of solitude" that may enter in the future, many people are willing to choose loneliness, but the emotional needs of human beings have never changed-leaving their homes, having no feelings, relying on technology, and enviing others all make loneliness even heavier.
There seems to be no ready-made answer to how to relieve loneliness, but the "accompanying" profession with "emotional accompanying" as its content is on the rise. Hugging, chatting, running … Can the emerging companionship alleviate the loneliness that pervades our times?
"Loneliness" and "Being Lonely" in Social Life 4.0
When we escape from the tradition of "chickens and dogs hear each other" and get into the urban civilization of reinforced concrete, we have actually willingly chosen loneliness.
After experiencing the family era, family era and empty nest era, sociologists predict that the future society will move towards the 4.0 version of human social life-the era of living alone. Data from all over the world confirm this trend: according to incomplete statistics, in the United States, more than 31 million people live alone, more than 1/7 of the adult population; In Stockholm, Sweden, 50% of the houses are occupied by one person; Even China, which advocates the concept of "family" since ancient times, now has more than 58 million people living alone.
In the future, the so-called solitary people can be divided into two categories. One is the young people who choose to live alone, which is increasing with the arrival of the fourth single tide in China. According to the survey, the higher the education level and the stronger the economic strength, the more likely people under 30 in China are to choose to live alone. This phenomenon is particularly obvious in big cities.
Jiang Yujie, a white-collar worker, is a hugger of solitude. "The nature of’ man is a social animal’ cannot be changed-there are still more people willing to live with their relatives or close friends, which they think is much more beneficial than living alone." However, Jiang Yujie accepted the argument of Japanese painter Naoko Takagi in "Living Alone for the Fifth Year": "If you are unfortunately ill, you must go to the supermarket to save food while you still have strength. This kind of mood is very bleak, but now living alone is the active choice of many people. Even if living alone is not always happy, it is still willing. "
Jing Jun, a professor of sociology in Tsinghua University, believes that "freedom and new wealth" are breaking the traditional family structure in China, and more and more people are living alone. "Many well-educated solitary people are usually the result of active choice, which symbolizes the rise of social status and the improvement of employment opportunities."
The other is the "lonely people", among whom there are not only the most representative elderly people living alone, but also many young people. According to experts’ analysis, in today’s China, aging leads to the aggravation of life pressure, the arrival of a risky society, the diversity of values and other social problems, all of which make a group of young people avoid harm by escaping and face the reality with indifferent behavior. For struggle, success, life and future, they are often confused, lonely in confusion and wandering in loneliness.
What kind of loneliness needs company?
The first kind of loneliness, leaving home and feeling nothing. "No relatives, no classmates, no friends. Every night, I feel lonely in the face of a strange city. " Hu Xiaoxia, who just graduated from a higher vocational school, works in a restaurant in Hangzhou. When she thinks about the meaning of struggle, the value of life and the definition of happiness, she always feels confused, and then she is doubly lonely. She wrote in her QQ space: Only the hometown that can’t go back, the distant place that can’t be reached.
The second kind of loneliness depends on technology rather than each other. "How do you feel, how do you feel/when you are self-contained, homeless/like an outsider, and like a rolling stone …" Bob? Dylan seems to have sung us with our eyes fixed on the display screen in Like a Rolling Stone in 1965.
Social platforms can attract tens of thousands of people’s attention, video websites can stop advertising, and online shopping can stay open for 24 hours … The debauchery on the Internet encroaches on the time that should have been used for work, conversation and sleep-one person said that he turned off his computer and went to sleep, often lying in bed to continue watching his mobile phone.
"Amid all the noise, we feel more and more lonely." Netizen destiny Ting said that while chatting with QQ and WeChat, she was lonely inside, which is probably the common state of urban youth at present. "Even in real social life, everyone bows their heads and plays with their mobile phones, and the topic revolves around what is happening on social networking sites." Just like Shirley, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology? Tucker wrote in Alone Together that we seem to be strangers in a strange world.
The third kind of loneliness is to envy others and despise yourself. Sun food, sun travel, sun happiness … When the WeChat circle of friends turned the mundane life into a legend and let the onlookers feel envious, psychologists called this show-off "demonstration anxiety". Everyone turns the dark side to the back, and only shows the wonderful and beautiful side in front of others, especially women. Display and comparison are what they value most, including the details that may be enviable, as well as experience and knowledge.
At the same time, the more time people spend watching other people’s happiness, the more lonely and depressed they become. "People have paid a psychological price for viewing the information of their former friends, spouses and colleagues. They should stop paying attention to these, this kind of emotion is harmful to health. " Shirley? Tucker said in Alone Together.
The fourth loneliness, autism and depression. When loneliness continues to intensify, it may evolve into autism or even depression. It is understood that there are 67 million autistic patients in the world. In the past 20 years, the number of autistic cases in developed countries has shown an explosive upward trend. In China, in 2011, there were about 70,000 autistic people in the permanent population of Guangzhou alone, and the number is increasing year by year.
"Autism is not because of being left out by people around you, but a disease." Zhang Fang, a psychological counselor, said that although most autism is considered to be inherited, the acquired environmental factors are also responsible. Adult autism is mainly manifested in reluctance to go out, reluctance to communicate with others, barriers to making friends, subconscious inferiority and so on. Zhang Fang believes that people who are unhappy in the real world can easily fall into the virtual world and form a so-called state of good self-satisfaction. "After a long time, it may even form a dual personality or even a split personality."
"Accompanying" Occupation: "Unique Service" in Lonely Times
In 1905, American woman writer Edith? EdithWharton, in her novel A House of Joy, portrayed a woman who lived on the charity of a rich friend. She traveled with her friends in exchange for free holidays, clothes and accessories.
Although it is a truth that money can’t buy true feelings for a long time, Edith’s idea became a reality more than 100 years later-the rise of various "accompanying" occupations tells us that buying emotional catharsis and psychological decompression with money may be one of the decompression methods of modern people.
"I was born to know how to hug. Hugging is healthy, spiritual and full of fun." In America, Jackie, 29? Samuel is a professional "hugger". She hugged strangers to support her research, and customers came to her for different purposes. "Some customers’ wives died, and they just wanted to be with others. Some young customers have encountered emotional problems, or just want to experience what feelings are like. "
Another "escort", Samantha of Oregon? Hess even developed 65 kinds of hugs. In order to create an atmosphere, she will hold and play the English musician Phil? Collins’ song.
The growing loneliness at the same time makes the occupation of chatting with people gradually grow and develop. The 27-year-old Han Chenzi is already a professional "chat companion". She studied law at university, and now she mainly attracts customers through WeChat. Chatting costs tens of yuan to 100 yuan each time according to different customers.
"Although people in modern life don’t lack social communication, the pressure of competition and the complexity of interpersonal relationships make the loneliness of some people continue to increase, and the mental illness caused by it is on the rise." Han Chenzi said that the development of accompanying chat service provides them with a good way to solve their confusion and cheerful spirit: people need to talk when they are depressed, and talking to an unrelated stranger is more helpful to vent their feelings, because there is no need to worry about "talking too much."
The topic of Han Chenzi’s "accompanying chat" involves love, family and work, but many people talk to her only about emotions. Han Chenzi said that he wants to be an emotional museum in the future, putting people’s joys and sorrows into it and being an administrator himself.
Longing for Doraemon in cartoons or the exclusive companionship of big white warmth and long-lasting love, "companion robot" also came into being. Nowadays, scientists are making artificial intelligence imitate human emotions through deep machine learning technologies such as voice cloud, semantic understanding and visual emotion recognition.
However, can robots replace human companionship? Ye Bin, director of the Psychological Counseling Center of East China Normal University, thinks that it depends on the needs of the accompanied person. "In the interaction between people and robots, if all you need is service, that’s fine; If you need a relationship, it won’t work. "
Experts believe that loneliness is a state and a realistic choice; Don’t beautify the symbolic meaning of loneliness itself, and you can’t ignore the hard reality that leads to loneliness. For those who voluntarily choose loneliness to live a more free life, what society should do is to give them more tolerance; For those who have no choice but to live alone, society and system should pay more attention to them.
Zhang Fang emphasized that "accompanying" career can simply solve emotional needs, which is a better way of communication and a future trend. However, emotions will affect each other, which requires people who "accompany" their careers to have more psychological knowledge to adjust themselves. I hope that such a beautiful career as "emotional escort" will not drown in the cross-flow of material desires soon. (Reporter Duan Jingjing)
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